Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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