honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
