I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
