3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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