i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
