i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
