He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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