You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
