I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
