You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
