I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
