i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
oh god the rape fog is back!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
