If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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