you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
