there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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