how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
