You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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