And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
