I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
