Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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