I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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