It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
