Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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