He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
