i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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