I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize