please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
