Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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