Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
