just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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