I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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