I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
