So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
