whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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