Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
