Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
