Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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