im gay
i know
yea but for you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He better not be in your backpack
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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