i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
