Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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