We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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