Do you still have your period?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
