Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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