One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
