my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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