all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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