Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
