All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
