Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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