and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize