I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
