He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
