fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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