plz talk dirty to me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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