I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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