so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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