I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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