he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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