So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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