dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
