Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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