The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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