We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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