Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
