I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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