someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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