: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
